I thought I had lost my mind!

I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety after having my first child who is now 3 years old. I still have my moments of high anxiety but I remember in such a dark place I was in while she was just a newborn. It makes me so sad that I can’t fully remember those days when I brought her home from the hospital.

Sometimes I have to talk myself out of feeling like a bad mother because I couldn’t be there for her as I should’ve been because I had crippling anxiety. At first I didn’t know what was going on until I started feeling derealization. It’s a symptom of high anxiety. I felt high or drunk, just completely out of it. I thought I had lost my mind! I called the nurseline and I explained how I was feeling and she immediately directed me to the behavioral health line. I felt like I truly was crazy.

When I spoke to a therapist over the phone they told me what I felt was derealization from high postpartum anxiety. From then on I have been labeled with having this which I believe stole me from my daughters first months of life.

I have been going to therapy and taking natural supplements and herbs which has helped me a lot. But I will never gain back those moments I wish I had been okay.

Anxiety after birth is not commonly spoken of and it should be. All we hear is the norm “depression after birth”. I felt alone and I’m sure other moms out there do too.

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