Let me start by saying how thankful I am for #raymondthesecond and how incredible he really is. I love him more than I could ever express. He is 2 years old and I enjoy every day with him.
With that said, I feel it is necessary to talk about where I was during his first year of life… Postpartum depression is awful, it’s so hard – but that doesn’t even begin to describe it. I have never experienced such darkness and I pray I never will again. I knew how truly blessed, lucky, fortunate I was to have this amazing gift of a healthy son – but that didn’t make me feel better. I hated myself for having so many horrific thoughts about him, this only fed my terrible thoughts and feelings about myself. In this vicious cycle, I found myself searching for an escape. For 3 months I ignored it and pretended I was ok, but I was barely hanging on. One night I texted the suicide hotline and that is when I began to heal. I had to accept my depression, not ignore it. I got help through counselling, medication and my wonderful family – I honestly wouldn’t be here without their help.
I can now say that I am back to myself but it took time, and work. I want to shine a spotlight on PPD. This is not something to be ashamed of, and you DO need help. You cannot pretend like everything is fine and then make it so. Becoming a mom is hard, but it is impossible when you are depressed. You will be supported and you can get through this. The only way is through.